Life Change, of course, is not easy. I grew up in a Southern Baptist church. I still attend regularly. One of the interesting things that I saw growing up was that every time a Summer Revival week would come around was that the same handful of people in the church who had felt they were somehow out of touch with God would want to “rededicate their life.” While I appreciate the spiritual significance of this, and I don’t at all want to demean their choice, I found my inner cynic saying, “So if the first four times didn’t create lasting life change…what makes this one different?” I want to ask you the same question…not about your faith, but about your behavior.
I frequently see posts in any number of the online forums in which I am active, and within the existing Ketogains private coaching groups that begin with:
- I screwed up…day 1…again
- So I didn’t plan and got super hungry and I ate a whole pizza.
- I’m going to do it just this one time because it’s a special event (followed by a confessional post a month later)
What I’ve noticed, however, it’s always the same person. No, I don’t mean the ACTUAL same person, but it’s the same archetypal person. They are givers. People who do a very good thing in placing the needs of others at the first importance. They invest in sending their kid to private school, they have invested in professional certification and training to launch their spouse’s new “can’t miss” startup company. The problem is they invest in everything and everyone around them, giving freely of their time, effort, money, and skill – and when the day is done, there is nothing left to invest in themselves. It genuinely astounds me. To be honest, it breaks my heart.
The problem is that they think they’re going to willpower themselves to success, but history is the best predictor we have of future outcomes. When all of the “investment funds” are spent on others, and it’s just them against the world, the world wins. In order for an outcome to change, the person has to have changed, and they simply haven’t. This time, like the people in the revival services, they’re going to rededicate their lives to exercise/weight loss/getting ripped/breaking a habit. They’re going to fail…again. There is simply no “life” left to dedicate when they have given it all away. What saddens me is that they’re going to fail for a very predictable and very fixable reason. They don’t know how to succeed, because success takes change and change takes time, and time is an investment, and we just discovered they can’t invest. If they did, they would have done it. They may know the playbook for success, they may have read all the best books on personal growth and change, but here is some very real truth for you: All that head knowledge hasn’t picked up one dumbbell, nor has it put down one cigarette.
They need the help of someone who has succeeded in an area in which they struggle. They need a coach for that facet of their life. Perhaps for a season of life until they’ve mastered the behavior that utilizes all the knowledge from those books. Perhaps for life as they know that this will always be an area of struggle, and they need some level of accountability. They need that outside counsel to help them to understand how to set boundaries, how to push beyond untrue beliefs, how to test personal boundaries, and how to succeed at something which, for all of their best laid plans, they are unable to do on their own.
Full disclosure, and perhaps this is where someone says, “Tyler’s writing this because KetoGains is launching several group coaching programs.” That is true – I am writing this for that reason. But probably from a different perspective than you would think. As I have been getting prepared to lead these groups, I have become much more attuned to seeing the posts I described above for what they truly are. People in desperate need of help to effect lasting change who cannot seem to understand that it isn’t a sign of weakness that they invest in themselves by hiring an expert, but rather a sign of maturity and strength. Further disclosure. I want to help people, as do all of the rest of your tireless administrators…and helping others has a time factor which is time I could be spending with my family, on a hobby, or finally reading War and Peace. Yes, we are offering formal coaching groups, and yes there is a cost to participate. I want to stress this as strongly as I possibly can – you don’t have to sign up with us, please don’t read this as a plea for anything other than this: If you want success in an area that has consistently eluded you despite your best efforts, invest in yourself and get a coach. They may be a friend, mentor, spiritual leader, gym buddy, etc…they don’t have to be someone who is a paid professional. But for the love of yourself, if you can’t figure it out on your own, invest in you for a life change.